Slogans & Wisecracks

• Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
• Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
• Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?
• Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
• Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
• If I throw a stick, will you leave?
• I plead contemporary insanity.
• Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.
• I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes.
• I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
• Allow me to introduce my selves.
• Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
• Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
• Live within my income? Heck, it's all I can do to live within my credit.
• A woman's favorite position is C.E.O.
• Does your train of thought have a caboose?
• Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?
• Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2?
• Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
• One of us is thinking about sex... OK, it's me.
• So many freaks, so few circuses.
• Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
• Chaos, panic, & disorder my work here is done.
• Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
• Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, except for my friends deep inside the earth.
• Okay, okay, I take it back! UnF*** you!
• Allow me to introduce myselves.
• Meandering to a different drummer.
• I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
• I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
• I started out with nothing...and I still have most of it left.
• And just how may I screw you over today?
• I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here, or to go?